Another Blog Questionnaire thingy!

I really enjoyed doing the questionnaire blog last time so thought I would have a go at doing another one. This one was on another friend's blog. Let's see how I get on.

1. Do you usually sleep with your wardrobe door open or closed?
Closed. My bedroom is quite small so I have some stuff packed in front of my wardrobe when I go to bed, so it doesn't stay open.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?

No

3. Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room?
Nope.


4.Where is your next vacation?

Haven't been on holiday in ages. So if I did have a "holiday" it would probably be staying at home but having days out.

5. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No. We did have a traffic cone in our kitchen at uni for a while in the first year. Not entirely sure how it got there. It just appeared one morning, so I am assuming someone brought it home with them after a night out!

6. Who do you think reads these?
People

7. Do you have a calendar in your room?
Yes, its a Westie Puppy one. So cute.

8. Where are you?
At home in the front room.

9. What’s your plan for the day?
Do some reading, relax, do some crafts and spend a few hours working on my next dissertation chapter.

10. Are you reading any books right now?
Yes. I always have a few on the go. I am reading Peter Kay's second autobiography, I am re-reading Labyrinth by Kate Mosse (there was a TV version on over Easter which made me what to re-read the book) a few dissertation related books and a couple of others.

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Yes! I also count the cracks in the pavement! Not when I am in a rush though!

12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
No, I don't think so. Not even when I was a kid.

13. Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Erm.... don't think so.

14. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
Absolutely not! Pens and Pencils are precious! You don't treat them like that. I hate it when I lend a pen to someone and I get it back with teeth marks in the end. How disgusting and how disrespectful of someone else's property!

15. What is your “Song of the Week”?
"If you could see me now" The Script

16. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Yes it just annoys me when they claim it isn't really pink when it clearly is!

17. Do you still watch cartoons?
Absolutely! Simpsons, Family Guy, Looney Tunes, Disney films, etc etc. 

18. What is your favourite love movie?
The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Closely followed by 10 Things I Hate About You (Heath Ledger!) and The Truth About Cats and Dogs. I think this shows I am a very strange individual! 

19. What do you drink with dinner?
Orange Squash, Diet Coke or Chilled Water. If I am out for a meal and not driving then I will have a Budweiser Shandy.

20. What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
I don't dip them in anything. I don't do sauces.

21. What is your favourite food/cuisine?
Favourite food item is fresh white crusty bread with a nice piece of chedder cheese! Also very into cheese on toast at the moment! Favourite meal....... don't really have one.

22. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
So so so many to mention! I love films!! Pirates of the Caribbean (all four), Twilight Saga, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, The Indiana Jones Trilogy (not the recent one), Rock of Ages, The Proposal, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, A Knights Tale, Sherlock Holmes, X-Men franchise, the list goes on and on!

23. Last person you hugged/kissed?
Probably my Dad.

24. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
No, but I was a Brownie!

25. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
LMFAO! Absolutely not! No one wants to see that!!

26. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Last week. I wrote a short letter to Andy.

27. Can you change the oil on a car?
Theoretically yes, but I have never done it on my own. Always had someone else there who knew what they were doing!

28. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No.

29. Run out of gas?
No. That's something I am paranoid about so I always make sure I fill up if I am getting low.

30. Favourite kind of sandwich?
Cheese! Closely followed by Sausage Sandwich!! 

31. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Frosties cereal!! They're ggggrrrreat! Hehehe!

32. What is your usual bedtime?
Any time between 12 and 2am. I have always been a night owl, and while writing my dissertation I have got worse as I tend to write better in the evening.

33. Are you lazy?
No. I am very hard working and take pride in everything I do, even something as stupid as washing up or hoovering. If you are going to spend time doing something then you should do it properly and the best you can do! I don't find it easy to do nothing.

34. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Never did Halloween as its not a big thing in Britain and certainly wasn't in the 1980s.

35. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Not at the moment, but did used to subscribe to BBC History Magazine and Museums Association (Museum Journal).

36. Which are better, legos or lincoln logs?
Lego rules.

37. Are you stubborn?
Can be

38. Ever watch soap operas?
Yes. I do watch Eastenders and I have to watch Coronation Street as Dad likes it. Unless I am busy doing something else of course!

39. Afraid of heights?
Yes.

40. Sing in the car?
Yes! Loud and Proud as long as I am on my own!

41. Dance in the shower?
No, too dangerous! Might slip over and knowing me I would and I would hurt myself badly!

42. Dance in the car?
Yes!

43. Ever used a gun?
Yes, when I was a kid. 

44. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
No! I love Musicals!! They are fabulous!! 

45. Is Christmas stressful?
It can be if you are not organised or if you let things get on top of you. Its also tough if you don't have much money and you still want to do/get certain things. 

46. Ever eat a pierogi?
Have no idea what this is. Just googled it. Nope never had them.

47. Major annoyance right now?
The Government, in particular the Department of Work and Pensions! Plus a few other things. 

48. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Nurse, Archaeologist, Writer, Artist, Teacher, and Art Shop Owner!

49. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes

50. Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
Yes, quite often.

51. Do you take a vitamin daily?
I take Iron Tablets, but that's because I am anaemic. 

52. Wear slippers?
Yes, I have lovely slippers. Keep my feet nice and warm too in this freezing cold weather!

53. Wear a bath robe?
Yes. I love my fluffy dressing gown! I also have light weight summer ones too!

54. What do you wear to bed?
Either nightdress or pyjamas. 

55.Tesco, Sainsburys or Morrisons?
Tesco or Morrisons

56. Nike or Adidas?
Depends what I am buying. Not really fussed.

57. Wotsits or Quavers?
Both.

58. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts

59. Ever hear of, “gorp”?
Nope.

60. Ever taken karate?
Yes. Did one lesson and hated it. My Mum's weird solution to being bullied!

61. Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
No.

62. Can you curl your tongue?
No

63. Ever won a spelling bee?
No

64. Ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes. Embarrassing when it happens, but yes I have done.

65. Own any record albums?
I did have one or two. Think they are in storage now

66. Own a record player?
I did up till a few years ago when I changed my hi-fi system.

67. Regularly burn incense?
No

68. Ever been in love?
Don't think so.

69. Hot tea or cold tea?
Warm Tea!

70. Tea or coffee?
Tea! Coffee smells gorgeous but tastes vile!

71. Favourite kind of cookie?
Don't eat cookies, but my favourite sweet biscuit (only one I eat) is Ginger Nuts.

72. Can you swim well?
Yes, but I haven't swum in years.

73. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes.

74. Are you patient?
I can be very patient..........!

75. Ever won a contest?
Not that I can remember. Don't really do contest type things. 

76. Ever had plastic surgery?
No.

77. Which are better black or green olives?
Neither. Both smell vile. Can't physically put them in my mouth. Absolutely stink!

78. Can you knit or crochet?
I can knit

79. Wash room or bathroom?
Bathroom

80. Do you want to get married?
If it happens it happens

81. Who was your High School crush?
I guy called Bret English. So embarrassing now!

82. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
No I am not a child or a pathetic excuse of a person.

83. Do you have kids?
No.

84. Do you want kids?
If they happen then that would be great and if not that would be fine too. If I did have kids I would want to call a boy Joshua Thomas or Jake James and if I had a girl, Molly Georgina or Megan Elizabeth.

85. What kind of mum are you?
I don't have kids so can't really answer that one.

86. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes I miss Andy an awful lot at the moment. I also miss my Mum, because she has been going through a lot lately and I always miss my Aunty Gina as she is no longer with us. 

87. Who do you want to see right now?
Andy!! Really wish he lived a lot closer and was here!! I would also like to see my Mum and give her a hug. I always want to see Gina as I always want to talk to her and ask her opinion/advice on things. 

Random Question thingy

I have never done one of these "getting to know me" questionnaire thingys on my blog before and as I saw this on a friend's blog I thought I would have a go at filling in one myself. So here goes........

What are you listening to right now?

Was listening to The Script's first album. Love The Script, their songs have got great lyrics. Now can just hear all the noise being made on the building site behind the flats. A new housing estate is being built and the builders are noisy buggers!

If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling?
It would probably be either my Dad, My Mum, my best friend sutleress.blogspot.co.uk or one of my other good friends Cheryl. My other two important friends tend to email or prefer texting. Wouldn't mind if it was any of them as long as its not bad news! 

Do you drink? 

I do like a nice chilled pint of Budweiser Shandy on a hot day, but I don't drink anywhere near as much as I did when I was at Uni. My friends and family who I spend most of my time with don't drink, so I don't. 

What is the first thing you notice in someone?

This is going to sound terrible, but normally their smell, followed by hair and then eyes. I have a very sensitive nose and people with either bad body odour or too much perfume/aftershave aggravates my allergies. Once I get to know someone I am more interested in their personality, sense of humour and them as individuals. As one of my close friends recently found out I do find people very fascinating! 

Do you get attached easily?

With people I tend not to let people in that easily, but when I do, then yes I do get attached quite easily. With animals, (mainly dogs) I am a complete soft touch and get very attached very quickly!

Do you like your eye colour? 

Yes. Their brown. 

Have you ever been in love?  

Maybe.

Do you have a crush/romantic interest in anyone? 

Yes, but I would never pursue it. I am not great with relationships and spotting the "signs" that someone else is interested is almost impossible for me!! They have to make it very clear how they feel before I will believe them!!! 

What’s your sexual orientation (if you feel comfortable answering)? 

Heterosexual. 

What’s your favourite colour and why? 

Purple and Red. Loved Red since I was a child and started loving purple when I was about 12. 

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

No. I might not be happy with who I am some of the time, but I wouldn't want to be someone else. I know me, I know my issues and I understand me. I do sometimes wish for better things in my life though, such as nice job, better health, etc.

What were you like when you were a kid? 

I was very well behaved, studied hard at school and received good grades. Always stuck to the rules and was always respectful of adults, even if I thought they were wrong. I was never into dolls and playing house. I was more interested in making things, drawing, painting, colouring in, and reading. I loved my books. They could take me anywhere and away from where I was.  

What would your dream house be like?

Detached but still in a street. Wouldn't want to be in the middle of nowhere on my own. 3-4 bedrooms minimum, so I could have a craft room and a library/study as well as my own bedroom and a spare bedroom encase anyone wanted to stay over. I would also like to have room to park my car easily, a conservatory as I find them very relaxing places to sit and a nice view. I would ideally like a sea view but I would then be worried about erosion and the damage it could do to my home over time!! (Paranoid I know!). I would paint my bedroom purple and my front room and kitchen would be red. Not necessarily every wall but that would be the colour theme.

What last made you laugh? 

It sounds terrible but I cannot remember! I laugh quite a lot and the strangest of things can make me laugh. It was probably a comment of a satirical panel show or something one of my friends did or their dogs. 

Do you have a place you like to go to collect your thoughts? 
I use to, but now I just need time on my own to get my head together. The location doesn't really matter as long as its comfortable and its somewhere I want to be.

Have you ever been skinny dipping? 

No and I never would. Nobody needs to or wants to see that!

Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance?

Nope. 

Do you like to dance? 

Yes and No. I am not very good at it and have no real sense of rhythm. Plus I feel very self conscious of my size. However when I am on my own I do like to dance to music.

What is your definition of cheating?

I honestly believe that if you are in a relationship, then you should be with them only. If you want to be with someone else then you should do the decent thing and end the relationship first before you do anything with this other person. That way nobody gets hurt and if your not sure its worth ending the relationship for, then you can't feel that serious about the other person. Lying, kissing, even discussing taking things further or expressing that you would like to, to the "other" person is cheating in my eyes. Everyone gets tempted, but true loyalty is refusing to let those feelings go beyond thinking "that person is very attractive and if things were different I may have gone after them". I suppose simply you can look but don't touch if you are in a relationship with someone else! 

Do you regret anything?

Not really. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I had taken a different path, chosen a different course at uni etc etc. But I don't regret what I have done because I always make sure I am making the best choice for me at the time. It might not always work out but I did what I thought was right at the time.

  

Ever broken any bones?

Yes. Broke two of my toes when I was about 6. I dropped a heavy metal bar on them by accident. 

Ever come close to death? 

Yes. 

What is your religion/spirituality, if any?

Not a religious person, although I do find religions and religious beliefs fascinating. I suppose I am more drawn to spirituality and nature so I would say Pagan.

Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? 

Yes. Many times. Once I went to see a psychiatrist who was trying to get me to do a certain kind of therapy. I thought what he was suggestion was ludicrous and at the end of the session I told him I wouldn't be making another appointment. He asked why and my reply was "there are two people in this room and one of them is definitely mad and it ain't me!". 

Are looks important in a relationship?

No, although I do feel they play a big part in initial attraction. You never hear someone say "core, look at that personality of that girl" or " doesn't he had a fabulous caring nature". Sadly more often its look at her boobs and doesn't he have a nice bum! I wish it wasn't like this.

Are you more like your mum or your dad?

I think if I am honest I am a bit like both of them. Looks wise I share a lot of my dad's facial features, but in recent years I have also noticed some of my Mum's "looks" creeping in. Personality wise, a lot of my sense of humour is similar to my Dad's, but my interests in Museums, culture and craft is definitely something I get from my Mum. I also have my Mum's temper which I am not proud of and something I am very vary of keeping under control. Luckily I also have my Dad's tolerance which means I can put up with a lot and I am quite easy going. 

What is your favourite season?

I like them all for various reasons but I suppose Summer.

Do you have any tattoos?

No. I did use to want one, but now I know I am too much of a wimp!

Do you have any piercings? 

Yes, my ears. I did want to get my nose and eyebrow pierced too when I was at Uni, but was too much of a wimp to get it done. I am terrified of needles so that didn't help either!

How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 

Two but nothing serious.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

I do like certain TV characters. I am a huge fan of Supernatural and love Jared Padalecki who plays Sam. I also am a huge fan of Doctor Who and did have a crush on David Tennant and possible also Matt Smith! When I was younger I was a huge fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and had big crushes on the vampires Angel and Spike!! 

What are your favourite things to do?

Read, do crafts, write, hang out with friends, play with my friends' dogs, watch DVDs and listen to music.

If you could only visit one place outside of your hometown, where would it be? 

There are lots of places in the UK I would love to visit so too many to mention. Outside of the UK I would love to go to Washington so I could visit the Smithsonian. 

Do you get jealous easily?

Depends. Not in relationships, but sometimes in other things!

What is your favorite type of food? 

Fresh crusty white bread. With butter and chedder cheese. Core! 

Do you ever want to get married?

If someone loves me enough and I love them enough then yes. But its not something on the"to do list" and not something that absolutely has to happen otherwise I have failed life in some way! 

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I think I am a bit of both. Certain things I am very confident in, such as museum related stuff, while others I can be very shy. With people I know well, they would probably say I am very loud and very talkative, but amongst people I don't know or not sure of I will be very quiet and introverted. 

Do you believe in life on other planets, ghosts, or mythical creatures?

Yes. An open mind, is an enquiring mind. Knowledge is the only limit of our understanding. Back in history when they first started to find dinosaur bones they thought they were ancient dragons and spiritual creatures. Now our knowledge has advanced and we know what they are. Certain medieval beliefs of diseases being spread by fairies and other unworldly creatures was based on the finding of tiny arrow heads which we now know were made by humans hundreds of years earlier. Plus fairies definitely exist..... who else would hide things when your looking for something and you know you put it away in the right place!!!! 

 

Do you believe in love at first sight? 

The romantic part of me would like to do. If it does exist it must be very rare.

Do you believe in soul mates?
Yes.

Have you ever dyed your hair?

I have never dyed the whole lot, but I have had red streaks and purple streaks. I would never dye my hair blond unless it was to then add another colour over the top. I actually really love being a brunette. When the grey hairs start to get too much I will dye my hair more then!

Has someone ever spread a nasty rumour about you? 

Yes. Certain people get a kick out of inflicting suffering on others this way. Its a form of bullying as far as I am concerned and it is very wrong.

Would you go against your moral code for money?

No. Its only when we are truly up against it that our morals are truly tested. Having morals when everything is fine is meaningless really. Its how you react when things go wrong. How do your morals stand up then?

Have you ever been diagnosed with depression?

No. But a lot of my closest friends have depression. I am grateful that I do not have to suffer like they do, but wish everyday that I could do something to take away their suffering.

Have you ever contemplated suicide?

Not really. I do have regular thoughts about my death and dying though. Usually when I am feeling down and low. I am terrified of death and dying and leaving those behind who I care about and not getting to do everything I want to do in life. But I do sometimes wonder who would care if I wasn't here and would certain people prefer it. 

How long was your longest relationship? 

About 6 months! How embarrassing is that!

Is the glass half empty or half full? 

In terms of am I a positive person or a negative person, I tend to be a positive glass is half full kind of person. However when I am feeling down I then become a very negative glass is half empty person! However from a scientific point of view I do have a very good friend who will tell you the glass is always full with something, just maybe not liquid!

What is your favourite thing about your body and your personality?
Erm... body wise I do really like my hair. I do spend a lot of time on it. I also like my wrists as they are quite thin and girly! My hands are not too bad either. The rest of me, not very happy with. My favourite thing???? I suppose my height! Personality wise, I love my sense of humour and the fact that I don't judge people. I am normally more interested in finding out about them than judging them. I am also a very loyal person which I think is a good thing.

Are you a bad person? 

No. I think I am a good person. I try to live my life as well as I can. I try to treat others like I would like to be treated, and to respect people even if I don't like them! I don't break the law and I don't cheat. I am very open minded. I am hard working and I take pride in everything I do. If something is worth doing then you should do it to the best of your abilities. I don't think this attitude is bad, and I do think it makes me a good person. 

If I Won the Lottery.........

As regular readers will know I am currently unemployed and desperately looking for work. As a result of being unemployed I am very skint and totally fed up of having no money. I really don't understand the ridiculous arguments certain small minded people come out with that people who are unemployed like being unemployed. Apparently its easy and they get enough money to live on and have brand new HD Flat Screen TVs, latest phones, and tablets, brand new cars, lots of holidays, designer clothes etc etc. Well I would like to know how, as that is most certainly not my experience. In my experience there is barely enough money to cover my various repayment plans/debts and put petrol in my car. I could not afford to live on my own and I am very grateful to my Dad for giving me a place to stay. I would be homeless otherwise. Being unemployed is not fun or easy. Its hell. Why would anyone choose to be unemployed and claiming benefits??

Part of my experience of being unemployed is having a very long list of things I would like to do or things I would like to buy but cannot even begin to afford. Money becomes extremely important and the "not having any money" often becomes all consuming and worrying. I know they say that money cannot buy you happiness, but I beg to differ. At the very least it can make being miserable more bearable! I believe money cannot buy you Love or Friendship, but I do think it can help make you happy or can help you to achieve happiness on your own. Not having to worry about paying bills and whether you can afford to buy food shopping this week would relieve a lot of stress and by result allow you to be happier or find space in your life to do things that make you happy. Having money would reduce worry, well financial worries at least. Money can give you stability - worrying about being able to pay your rent and how long you can keep a roof over your head does not allow you to settle and sleep well at nights. Money can also fuel hobbies, interests and days out that you enjoy and make you happy. Being able to afford to get your car fixed when it breaks down, or replace it when its revved its last without having to get into debt or borrow money is a relief. There are so many things that having money could make easier, and reduce stress which in turn can make your life easier and happier.

Some people would like to say this outlook makes me very materialistic. I disagree and actually I think this is very insulting and in my view misses the point of materialism. Firstly we as a culture are drawn to things because of their material value; televisions, radios, mobile phones, tablets, dvds, books, jewellery, cars etc etc. For a lot of people, having these things makes them happy or feel good. So what is wrong with that? We are all expected to work in our adult lives and if as a result of that work we aspire to buy ourselves nice things that we want, what is the problem with that? Why shouldn't we take pride in our possessions? If we have had to wait for them or work hard for them, they become all the more precious. They are a reward and if they make us happy why should that make us materialistic? Really its not materialistic at all.

However, I do believe true materialism is when people only want something because of its financial value or status value. Then I agree that's wrong. Owning an item so you can tell people how much it cost and not because you actually like it or want it, is wrong. It cannot bring you real happiness. Wanting something because you think people will admire you for it or envy you or to get one over someone else is wrong. This reveals serious problems with your character and your personal life. It will never bring you happiness. In my mind this is being materialistic. But having things that genuinely make you happy and give you joy for your own sake and nobody else's is not materialistic. I am one of these people.

While I wait for that job offer and my list of wishes and desires grows longer, I do like to play a little "in a perfect world" game called "If I won the Lottery..." Of course this means a jackpot win of 6 numbers not a 3 number £10 win. I thought I would share my lottery win plans with you. I would love to have these things in my life one day but I am not entirely sure even a well paid job would deliver all of them, so a lottery win is a must!

If I won the lottery .. . . . . . . . . .. .

1. I would buy myself a house. I would buy it outright so it was totally mine. I wouldn't owe anyone money for it so nobody could take it away from me. It would be security. It would in fact be the first time in my life I would have security like that. Even if I didn't have a job, it would be mine. I would haven't to worry about paying rent or losing the roof over my head. I might not be able to afford to heat it or have electricity but at least I would have a home!

2. I would like to decorate my new house to my tastes. Obviously connected to No1. I love interior design and the idea of choosing colour schemes, furniture, kitchens, bathrooms, and objects for the house like towels, bedding, rugs, cushions etc etc sounds like so much fun and something I would really enjoy. I love going to places like Dunelm Mill and other household stores. To be able to buy stuff would be so much better than window shopping!!

3. I would like this house to be detached so I wouldn't have to worry ever again about abusive neighbours with adjoining walls, but I would still like to be within in a street with other houses. I wouldn't like it to be in the middle of nowhere. In this house I would like to have at least 4 bedrooms; my bedroom, guest room and then one room for a library/study/office and one room for a craft room. That would be so fantastic!

4. I would like to go on a huge spending spree to kit out my craft room! Decoupage sheets, all the beautiful papers, cards and paper stacks I have been lusting after, embellishments, and of course practical things like foam pads, tapes etc. I would also like to get some new tools like die cutting machines and embossing tools. Ooo! I would also love to get into stamping and get a whole set of Spectrum Noir Pens and ProMarkers!! And inks! And glitters. And quilling papers. Ooooo! It would be so much fun buying this stuff, then setting it all up in the craft room and then spending hours and hours making beautiful things!! Would be so relaxing!!

5. I would buy some new art materials so I could also get back into painting and drawing as this use to make me happy and made me relax.

6. I would like to buy all the books on my Amazon Wish list and any future books I want. As I would have a library I wouldn't have to worry about where to put them either. Then I could just sit and get lost in books! Heaven.

7. I would like to be able to buy DVDS and CDs when I want them instead of waiting for Birthday's, Christmas or when they come down to £3!

8. I would like to have the money to replace my beloved car when it finally gives up the ghost. (Hopefully not for a while). I wouldn't want a flash car, I would just like a new Peugeot 207 or even better the new Peugeout 208 in Diablo Red. Core!

9. I would like to be able to buy my Dad a permanent home so he didn't have to worry about where he is going to live in his retirement because he won't be able to afford the rent. He also wouldn't have to worry about rent now. I would also like to help clear his debts so he didn't have money worries and could afford to have the operation on his other knee.

10. I would like to pay off my debts.

11. I would like to give my Mum her independence so she wasn't reliant on a man for the first time in her life. I hope this would give her the chance to finally be her own person and not influenced by others and hopefully find happiness and enjoy the rest of her retirement. I would also like to make sure she had the best medical care possible. If that's from the NHS then brilliant but if she needed to pay for treatment I would like to help with that.

12. I would like to get myself a Westie puppy and call it Taz. I might also get a Scottie pup and call it Mac but not entirely sure on that. Definitely a Westie though. I would have the money to pay for any vet bills and buy all the things the Westie needs to have a happy healthy fulfilled life.

13. I would like to help my friends. If I won the lottery I would like to sponsor my friend's daughter to follow her gymnastic dreams. I would also like to buy my friend the craft stuff she wants and to help her out so she doesn't have to worry about debts/money and things. I would also like to help my other friend to achieve her dream of going back to uni or college.

14. I would like to go on and do a PhD after my Masters. If I won the lottery I could afford to pay the fees and cover all the costs. I might not necessarily be capable of doing the work but at least I could fund it if I chose to give it a go.

15.I would like to set up my own business, ideally with my best friend. A lottery win would give us something to invest and pay for us to get started.

16. I would like to visit all the museums and places of interest on my To Do List. I would like to go on a tour of WW1 battlefields (Europe). I would like to visit various places around the UK. I would like to go and see loads of musicals and ballets. I would like to afford to go to concerts. I would like to treat my Mum to a long weekend in London to catch a show, see the sites etc. I would also like to go on a family history holiday with my Mum to help her track down the rest of the story about her father.

The list seems quite long, but its only 16 things and they are not that bigger things to want. There are no £50,000+ cars, no expensive foreign holidays, no around the world cruises, no designer clothes, no mansions. I just want my own home, money to pay for my hobbies, to help my family and friends, to get a pet and to further my academic career if I choose to. I also want money to try setting up a business, to clear my debts, to do things and visit places and to afford to treat myself to a CD, Book or DVD when I want to.

Obviously money cannot cure cancer or other serious illness and it cannot cure disabilities. It cannot make a nasty person, a good person and it cannot stop crime sadly. It cannot sort out my eating problems or make me magically lose weight. It cannot give us a decent government who actually know how to run a country in the best interest of ALL the residents of that country, and it cannot stop discrimination. Its true it cannot stop the bad stuff, but it can help make the bad stuff more bearable and give us things to look forward to when the bad stuff is over.

Now, what six numbers should I choose this week................

My Dougal Dog

This is a photo of my lovely Dougal Dog. He was a West Highland Terrier or "Westie". He is about 12 in this photo. Quite old in dog years but he was still very much like a puppy. In fact it was only when he got really sick that he stopped acting like a pup!

Four years ago today we lost him. He was 14. He had got a tumour on one of his toes the year before which had been successfully amputated and we hoped all was well. However he started to get sick again and after some tests it was discovered he had loads of cancerous tumours on his spine. Treatment was looked into but there was no guarantees, and the vet felt considering his age the chemo could do more harm and would definitely make him suffer. So we decided to let fate decide. Instead he was given painkillers so he wouldn't suffer and continued to have a good quality of life without regular visits to the vets and being pulled about and operated on. When he started to show signs of deterioration we made sure we kept a close eye on him, and a few weeks later things escalated and we knew however hard it would be, it was time to say goodbye. It was a horrendous day and I still cannot think about it without getting very upset.

So today instead of remembering that horrible day 4 years ago, I will remember the 14 wonderful years that he was in our lives.

 I can still remember the excitement of when he arrived. Mum hadn't told me we were getting a puppy. Our dog Pepe (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) was getting a bit old and grumpy but there had been no mention of a puppy. A few days earlier my Mum and I had been to our local pet shop and the owner had four Westie Puppies that he was trying to find homes for. We had been allowed to see them, and I fell in love with the only male puppy. Luckily so did my Mum! A few days later her and Ron had to go to the bank (opposite the pet shop!). When they arrived back I had the strangest feeling something was up and had a passing thought that they had got a puppy. Stupid idea! She called me to come downstairs, and as I did she was walking through the front door with a blanket in her arms with a little cute face with huge ears, peeking out of it! She looked at me with a smile on her face and said "Say hello to Dougal!". That was the name I said I wanted to call him!!! Dougal had become part of our family!

He and I didn't get on instantly. I loved him totally but I felt sorry for our old dog Pepe as I didn't want her to feel left out. She had been a loyal loving dog, and it wasn't her fault she was getting a bit moody in her old age. Dougal got a lot of attention because he was the new puppy, and poor Pepe would get ignored so I made sure I made an extra fuss of her to make up for it. He also liked trying to hang off her long ears and wanted to play. Pepe didn't really play any more and really didn't appreciate a nipping energetic puppy, so she got quite good at smacking him on the head with her paw when he got out of hand!

However I couldn't resist the bundle of fun, cuteness and cheeky little so and so that was Dougal. He made me laugh and he was very loving. He was my friend. When things were bad at home he was always there. When I was alone in my room crying and upset he would creep up stairs and into my room where he would leap on my bed and not give up until I was cuddling him. Pepe use to do the same thing. I always made sure they were never caught, I wouldn't have let Ron hurt them, he was so cruel at times to the dogs. He claimed it was discipline and "Dog and Master" but I just thought he was a bully like he was with everyone else.  Mum would often scream at him to leave them alone and that he was too heavy handed. Still makes my flesh crawl thinking about it. He did get better and did learn to be more gentle with them eventually.

Dougal and I had a connection. I know people who read this who have never loved/owned a dog will think thats ridiculous but its true. He was always there when I needed him. When I came home from school he was there to greet me. I would let him out, spend time playing with him and feed him. Then he would follow me round while I did all the chores and jobs I was expected to do before anyone got home. He would then sit upstairs with me while I started my homework, with one ear listening for the car in the driveway to fly downstairs and pretend he had been down there all along!

He witnessed how bad things were, and I am sure when I looked at him he understood. He gave me what he could which was love and loyalty and in returned I loved him back, looked after him and tried to protect him as best I could. I miss him so very much, and really wish he was still here to comfort me when I am sad and to make me laugh with his cheekiness. He was lovely to cuddle and made me laugh a lot.

My friend got a new puppy last year called Yoda. He isn't a Westie, he is a long haired chihuahua, but there is something about him that reminds me so much of Dougal. Maybe its because he is a cheeky little so and so himself and makes me laugh, or maybe because he knows when I am sad and insists on giving me cuddles. Whatever it is I do sometimes find myself going to call him Dougal Boy and have to quickly change it to Yoda Boy! Really hope Dougal doesn't mind and realises I still love him to bits.

                                                   My Dougal Dog. My gorgeous boy.

If I was ever in a position to have a dog again, it would definitely be a Westie. At the moment I live in a flat with my dad and I am unemployed and a student. It would be very irresponsible to have a dog at the moment not to mention Dad wouldn't allow it in his flat. I would love to have a dog but I guess I will just have to wait. No matter what though, I will never forget my lovely Dougal Dog. Miss you Dougal!!

P.s: have just noticed my Daily Puppy for today is Pluto the West Highland Terrier! There has got to be something in that!

I made it through the wilderness.....!

Well I think I have finally done it. Hopefully I think I have found the light at the end of the tunnel. Or if not the light, the cats eyes on the path that leads to the light at the end of the tunnel!

The last few weeks and months have been very tough. I have had a lot of personal and family stuff going on that I have been juggling as well as the ongoing dissertation. For the last few weeks in particular I have been finding the writing of my dissertation very difficult. The main reason was because I had hit a wall, and got completely lost with what I was writing.

I can only describe it as similar to being trapped in quick sand and the more you struggle, fight and try to get out the quicker you sink and the worse your situation gets. The more I tried to write the more I got lost and overwhelmed with theory and writers block. I got more and more confused. Then the self-doubt started to arrive, and the "I can't do this" and the "I am so going to fail" and finally came avoidance. It was awful and I felt as miserable as hell. I wanted to enjoy doing my study, and this was not enjoyable! Then I decided to do something about it and fight back. However this was easier said than done. I couldn't figure out what to do to put it right, to get back on track. I found myself in a sort of dissertation wilderness.

I spent days going through my notes, re-reading chapters and even a bit of brainstorming. Nothing was making any sense or showed any sign of being a way forward. Then I asked for some support and help from my lovely friend Liz. She was on my MA course and had had to have an extension for her dissertation too due to health and personal problems so she could totally relate. She is also an absolute genius with cultural memory theory so I thought and hoped she would be able to help straighten out my confused brain! As I had been there for her while she was doing hers, she didn't hesitate to help me and was really supportive. We had a great chat and she gave me a few suggestions and helped me unravel some of my thoughts about what I was writing and where it could be taken. She even talked through a few examples of structure and content. I felt so much more positive after talking to her. I am very grateful to her.

However, despite this positive chat I still didn't have a way forward. I had a much stronger idea on what to do when I got there, but it was still a bit of a grey area on how to get there! While I continued to wander this metaphorical wilderness, I remembered we had been advised to keep a dissertation diary to record every stage of the process, thoughts, decisions, tutorials etc. I decided to have a read through mine as I had kept it going and regularly wrote in, but hardly ever looked back on previous entries. This was a crucial turning point. As I had filled it in regularly, made notes immediately after tutorials, comments on chapters I had read etc, it was actually incredibly useful. I was reminded of a lot of decisions I had made and why, as well as reminding myself on where I wanted to take my dissertation. I even had a chapter plan! Very soon I realised what I had to do.

Sometimes when your so involved and entrenched in something you can't see where you are going, and that's what happened to me. I realised through reading the diary that in order to move forward I had to take a step back. I had to go back to basics and remind myself of all the foundation stuff that I do know but couldn't recall. Very quickly I had a plan of action. Despite being up against it time wise I knew I needed to take a few days to retrace my steps. So I am returning to the key texts. I am setting out the two different theories that I am looking at, going back over collective memory, sites of memory, agents of memory etc etc. Then when I have reminded myself of these foundations I can then build the complex stuff on top. This will stop me from being confused and from losing my way. In fact its such an obvious solution I don't know why I didn't see it before! I now have a plan of action, a way forward and more importantly a good idea on how I am going to do it. Hopefully I will be able to bring you a more positive progress update soon.

For now I have made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through.........!